The Diary Scandal
by Kmoney
Summary: The guys develop a plan. The girls develop problems...and Seifer will pop up eventually...and probably be the hero of the story!
1. Women Have Problems Men Have Dirty Minds

Disclaimer: In the Words of the immortal Squall: ...Whatever. In the words of the the immortal Disclaimer: Kmoney doesn't own Final Fantasy VIII  
  
Be warned. This is a humorous fic. (Or it should be) The beginning makes no sense, but all those well things well be explained in the third chapter. Yeah, I said third chapter.  
  
Chapter 1:  
  
Women Have Problems; Men Have Dirty Minds  
  
Quistis Trepe slowly rose up. She pushed aside the covers and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. She sighed to herself as she stood up with her hands extended in front of her in a zombie kind of way and walked...right into the door!  
  
"Ow!" she cried, stumbling back, holding the spot that made contact with the door. She blinked as she looked around her dark room in confusion. "I was sleep walking again!" she exclaimed. "Noooooooooooo! I don't want THAT to happen for the third time." with determination filling her body, Quistis jumped to her feet, slipped on her shoes and robe and ran out of room towards the cafeteria.  
  
She entered the cafeteria and ran to the counter. "I need coffee!" she demanded looking at the woman with a freaked out looked.  
  
"Ugh...okay." the cafeteria woman poured coffee into a mug and handed it to the freaky blonde woman. "Here ya go."  
  
Quistis stared at the cup. "What the hell is this!? You expect me to survive off of one damn cup of coffee! Give me a hug cup. One of those cups used for extra large sodas!"  
  
"Okay!" shrieked the woman as she did what she was told. When she was done, Quistis was finished with that mug of coffee and gave the cup back. She in turn received the large sixty-two ounce cup of coffee and ran to take a seat somewhere, giggling like a madwoman. The cafeteria lady thought she was crazy. Maybe all those missions finally made her snapped. Also the fact that she kept waking up in other people's rooms could also be the cause of her insanity as well. That just had to be. The waking up in other people's room thing was probably the problem.  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Hi its me again. Yeah, I know, this is the second time today I've written in you, but my life is so messed up. People don't fine me attractive and I can't find any of the guys. What am I going to do diary? Help!  
  
Love, Selphie  
  
Selphie signed as she closed her diary again and locked it. She stood up from her chair and walked out of her room. Just as she closed the door, there was a snicker from under the bed and Zell came into view as he crawled from under there. He looked at the door and made sure it wouldn't open. He grabbed the diary and ran out of the room as fast as he could. Back towards the quad. Where everyone seemed to hang out these days...  
  
Squall sat on the stairs in the Quad area reading a small, dairy size book. He chuckled a few times and then looked over his shoulder to make sure he was not caught. He then would return to reading what he had stolen.  
  
"I GOT IT!" Zell cheered. He ran into view as he waved the diary in the air. Squall nodded in a approval before closing the one he had been reading.  
  
"So, now that we've got all the girls' diary's what shall we do with them?" Squall pondered.  
  
"Make them do very pleasurable things to us while we hold a lighter under their beloved Diaries?" suggested Zell.  
  
"Hey, there's a big bright ball of light in the sky! What are we gonna do about it!?." Irvine exclaimed. He was standing a few feet away staring at the sky. Again.  
  
Squall glanced up and rolled his eyes back down to look at Irvine, very annoyed. "Gee its been sitting there since the beginning of time. Some call it the sun and if you don't stop staring at it you'll go blind." Squall replied being very sarcastic. "Now let's get back on track. What to do with the dairies?"  
  
"Why don't we continue to steal diaries?" Irvine thought up, joining the two on the stairs. "We could then make a book out of them and sell them to all the guys in the garden!"  
  
"That's a great idea!" Zell agreed, "Staring at the sun must have made you smart!"  
  
"Yeah, not a bad idea at all, but let's keep Rinoa's diary out of that plan." Squall added.  
  
"Why?" questioned his two friends.  
  
He frowned for a moment before replying. "She has a sick and twisted mind..."  
  
"Like how?" Zell asked curiously.  
  
"Yeah, is it sick and twisted in an evil way or a dirty way?" Irvine said elaborating Zell's question.  
  
"Both." Squall replied. "I think I'm dating a psycho."  
  
"Yeah, now that I think about it. We should also leave out Quistis and Selphie's diaries'." Irvine suddenly said. "They write too much stuff about us in them. We wouldn't want to embarrass ourselves now would we?"  
  
"Okay fine its settle," Zell said. "Every diary, but those named will go into the diary. Oh yeah, my girl's diary stays out too."  
  
The three shook hands and all sat down reading one of the three diary's they had.  
  
Rinoa entered the Quad area and looked around. Behind her was a depressed Selphie and a wired Quistis. "Oh, there they are!" she pointed at the three guys sitting on the stairs reading.  
  
"That's good!" Quistis exclaimed. "I need coffee!" she ran off, waving her arms frantically and shouting about coffee.  
  
"Rinoa?" questioned Selphie.  
  
Rinoa turned to her little sad friend. "Yes?"  
  
"Will you cast death on me and not bring me back?" Selphie asked.  
  
There was an evil glint in Rinoa's eyes and she rose her hand in the air. The chances of the death spell working were very slim and if not pulled off the first time it would be very hard to try a second time. Mainly because she was standing in the quad and three very strong men were sitting nearby.  
  
Rinoa grinned as a black mist started rising out of the ground in front of a suddenly happy Selphie. Fortunately, she was a sorceress, the only one, and things like casting death and having it work were just a walk in her park.  
  
"YES Its my park!" she exclaimed to no one.  
  
Selphie blinked at Rinoa and then noticed that since Rinoa got distracted the spell was not fully cast and slowly it was died out. "NO! NO! NO! Rinoa, pay attention!"  
  
Rinoa ignored Selphie completely. Instead she turned to a nearby tree and pointed a finger at it. "Listen you! How many times have I told you that if you keep messing with me in public people might think I'm nuts!? You know you're invisible! Geesh! And yes its my park and no one else's!"  
  
The noise of course caught the attention of the guys and they quickly hid the three diaries when they saw who was standing there.  
  
"Hey, who was casting death?" Zell asked, as he watch the grim reaper melt away not receiving the chance to kill anyone.  
  
"Rinoa was!" Selphie cried. "She was going to use it on me!" she cried in her hands and Irvine walked over to her and wrapped his arm around her in a comfort hug.  
  
"Its okay...its okay...Rinoa sometimes doesn't know what she's doing..." He tried to assure.  
  
Selphie didn't reply, she only cried in Irvine's shoulder. "Oh, Irvie! I was almost dead! Almost dead!"  
  
He rubbed his hand on her back making soothing noises. "Its okay...its going to be okay."  
  
"Ugh...Irvine, why don't you take Selphie to her room." Squall thought up suddenly.  
  
Irvine winked and lead the crying Selphie away.  
  
Squall turned his attention to the next...ugh...issue. Rinoa. She was standing with her back to him, yelling at the tree. It seemed to have pissed her off a great degree and she was now showing it a thing or two.  
  
Zell for his part blinked and looked at Squall. "Hey, man, who's she yelling at?"  
  
Squall rolled his eyes in Zell's direction. "Apparently the tree has made her very angry."  
  
"Oh." Zell made a couple of confused faces before starting off. "I'll leave this up to you. I'm hungry."  
  
'Yeah, leave the crazy sorceress to me!' Squall thought frustrated. He shrugged and walked over to Rinoa.  
  
"You shut-up--what!? Don't make me come over there!...Grr...Hey, in fact, I won't need to come over there--yeah that's--WHAT!? I hate you too!" Rinoa shouted, getting angerer and angerer with this 'person'.  
  
Squall stood there for a minute just listening to Rinoa's ranting. At one point during this he decided to just leave her there and call a institution. But before he was able to put his plan in action, Rinoa spun around and bumped into him.  
  
"Oh, hello!" She greeted. "Didn't see you there. What are you doing here?"  
  
Squall eyed her strangely. "I should be asking you the same thing, but I won't. I just wanted to know why you tried to kill Selphie?"  
  
Rinoa rolled her eyes to the ground and looked back up at Squall blankly. "What?" came a confused voice. "OH!? That! She asked me to."  
  
"I don't think Selphie would ask you to kill her." Squall replied. "Are you okay?"  
  
"She did ask me and I was kinda in the mood to do it. I mean that was before someone rudely interrupted me."  
  
Squall slowly took Rinoa by her hand and lead her to sit on the stairs. "Rinoa, you want to tell me what's going on?"  
  
Rinoa's cocked her head to the side. "Huh?"  
  
Squall looked over at the tree before looking back at her. "Ya know that thing with the tree...?"  
  
"What about the tree?" she asked, turning to it as well.  
  
"Why were you yelling at it?" he finally asked.  
  
Rinoa sat there blinking at him for the longest time. Why in the world would she be yelling at tree? Squall may be incredibly cute, but none too bright. Who in their right mind would yell at a tree. "What the hell are you talking about?" she finally managed to get out.  
  
Her acting all cutely confused wasn't helping this one bit. He decided he'd have to act real sour towards her before she decided to give away her little secret. "Don't play with me." he warned.  
  
Rinoa pushed some hair out of her face, and fingered some more while staring at the ground. She wasn't playing with him. Why was he getting all upset for?  
  
Squall was getting ready to demand an answer when he remembered something. He had her diary. Whatever was going on between her and that tree was probably written in it, so he'd just have to read up to more recent events. Although that meant skipping pass the 'Seifer saga', but he'd just go back to that and read it. So with nothing left to do here, he kissed her on the cheek and stood up.  
  
"Ahh, nevermind!" he said. "Must be taking Zell and Irvine more serious than I should." He smiled and began to walk off. "Well, I'll leave you alone. I need to do something."  
  
Rinoa decided she'd better not ask what the hell just happen and just go along with it. "Can I help?"  
  
He shook his head. "Aww, sorry, guy stuff. Maybe some other time." He waved and left the quad. Rinoa blinked a few times before glaring at the tree. "You see what you did!? Now my boyfriend thinks I'm nuts!" With nothing left to there, she stomped off, grring in frustration as she did so.  
  
And Rinoa's invisible friend chuckled. Then decided that it was approriate to do so and chuckled some more. Then deciding that it was having fun doing this, chuckled some more. It chuckled till someone kicked a ball over in that direction and hit them upside the head.  
  
Questionnaire thingy: Who is Rinoa's invisible friend? Are they evil? Will the guys go through with their plan to steal dairies? Will the invisible dude be okay after taking a ball in the head? Find out all this and more....in CHAPTER 2! 


	2. You're Not Suppose to Be Here

A/N: Here's chapter two! Chapter three will pop up sometime in the distant future where elves rule and humans are all weird and stuff!  
  
Chapter 2:  
  
You're not Suppose to be here!  
  
Squall cruised down the hallway sometime after curfew. He had his gunblade so if anyone asked, he was going to the training center. Even though it would be pretty pointless considering that he was at level one hundred and all he had to do was look at the grats and they'd die. But still, that was his excuse and he was sticking to it.  
  
Slowly he came to a stop in front of a door and looked at the number. The halls being as dark as they were made it hard to make out the number, but he assumed he was at the right room. Reaching into his back pocket he pulled out small box labeled 'lock pick'. He kneeled down and proceeded to unlock the door and go inside.  
  
  
  
Now Zell, he was doing the exact same thing, but in a different part of the dormitories. He was already in this room (Though he had just as much trouble reading the numbers as Squall did). He sat down the four small books he had already acquired and proceeded to look around the room; opening draws and such, but making sure to be very cautious.  
  
He really did hate this plan. Why did Irvine have to make the plan? It would be easier to come into the rooms during school and steal the diaries not when everyone was sleep. He shrugged in frustrations. Playing Rock, Paper, Scissors to decide who was going to make the plan was not the brightest thing to do.  
  
Another was starting to annoy Zell. He couldn't find the diary. Maybe this girl didn't keep one. But the list of that survey he had gotten off the internet said that ninety-eight percent of the girls in the garden kept a diary. Maybe she was one of the two percent. He turned to last place he was going to look. Around the bed.  
  
"Oh....Squall..." moaned the girl.  
  
Zell's head popped up quickly and he looked around and then down. "Huh?"  
  
"Come to me...Squall..."  
  
Zell's eyebrow rose.  
  
"YES Squall! Give it to me!"  
  
Zell's expression went to disgusting with that last comment. He scooted back and was going to decide to just leave, but something kept him there. He wanted to find this diary now. This person was dreaming about Squall. He HAD to find this diary. He started searching around the bed again and slipped his hand under their pillow. He smiled slightly when he felt a hard, square object. He slowly pulled it from under the pillow when they grabbed him and pulled him into the bed.  
  
"Oh...Squall...we're together at last..."  
  
Zell blinked. Wow, that voice sure sounded familiar. Who was it? Since they now had him in the headlock and against their chest he decided he might as well ask.  
  
"Rinoa?"  
  
They squeezed tighter and Zell choked and gagged for air. If this was Rinoa she was pretty strong for her size. They loosen up and Zell re-planed. He was going to get the hell out of there with the diary. He was just about to get free, when they tighten up once again. He was stuck again...  
  
  
  
Irvine smiled. His plan was so great. Zell and Squall thought he was stupid for wanting to steal the diaries at night, but he had his own plan. Steal the diaries as a front, but really take pictures of all these beauties while they slept soundlessly (Well a couple of them snored) in their beds. Some wearing almost nothing. Some wearing too much. And some were just right.  
  
Just because he forgot that the bright ball of light in the sky was the sun didn't mean he was stupid. It just meant he forgot. He was still very much smart. He knew guns and women. That's all he needed in life.  
  
So after taking pictures of the next lovely girl, he stole their diary and moved on to the next room. So many rooms, so little time. Good thing Squall has the power (Being the commander and all) to get the rooms and which ones were girls and the others guys. Made life so easy for Irvine.  
  
  
  
  
  
Squall stood in the corner of the room he had entered going over a few things. One of these things was really starting to bug him. The question crossed his mind a thousand times and his answer was always unclear.  
  
Did all girls in this damn garden dream about him?  
  
This was the seventh room he'd been in and the girl was shouting his name. It didn't matter if they hated him and were killing, dreaming about being with him. Whatever, they were all dreaming about him. (And shouting his name.)  
  
He pushed off the wall and started out, grabbing the small diary as he did so. He'd have to conduct a survey on that sometime. Maybe have Selphie run around asking the girls. She could say it was for the fun of it. They didn't have to give any personal info just a simple 'Yes, I do indeed dream about Squall.' or a 'No, why would I dream about Squall' would do him just fine?  
  
He'd get Rinoa to do it, but she was going off on trees, who knows what she'd do to girls who say they dreamt about her boyfriend. And Quistis was also out of the story because she was so wired off of coffee she couldn't even ask the question properly. He also recall hearing from Dr. Kadowaki that the last time Quistis was asleep was sometime two days ago. Apparently her sleep walking conditions drove her to drink coffee constantly. Poor woman, she'd be in an mental home before she's twenty-one.  
  
He picked the lock to the next room and creeped inside. There he was again. Thinking about everything. It was bad for his focusing. He might accidentally walk into a guy's room or in on a person fully awake.  
  
Squall blinked. That's just what thinking did. He standing in a fully lit room. The TV was on, the radio was on. He noticed that they were in the bathroom though. He glanced around once again. Wow, this room sure looked familiar. Maybe he had already come in here. Before he could think about it anymore a hand tapped him on his shoulder.  
  
"Hey, what are you doing here?"  
  
Squall gulped and turned around.  
  
  
  
Zell had had enough. Rinoa was going to get off of him and stop thinking he was Squall. It wasn't cool to think that he was Squall. Squall was weird and did weird things.  
  
"Oh...Squally. Me and you forever."  
  
Zell groaned. It was time he got out of here before Rinoa started to get off. And by 'Get off' he meant that in the most dirtest way possible. So with this thought in mind. He grabbed her arm, gripped it tightly and flung her out of the bed. She landed with a nice thud.  
  
She groaned and started scrambling around on the floor, looking for something. Zell assumed it was her weapon. He soon found out that it was the light switch. Because the light came on, blindly them both slightly. His eyes widen. Her eyes widen and they both pointed at one another and exclaimed...  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!?"  
  
  
  
Irvine walked to his room. He was carrying too much stuff and he had to drop off what he had before he could continue his rounds. But once he got to his room, he yawned and decided that he was done for tonight. He stripped down to his boxers and jumped on his bed with the handful of pictures he had. He proceeded to look through them tossing the ones that were bad (meaning the picture was hard to make out) and the ones that were BAD (meaning the girls were just plain ugly)  
  
"Bad...BAD....bad...Oh would you look at this one! JESUS! Oh wow, hot mamma!" Irvine stared at the picture. It was Rinoa and she was wearing a white silk nightgown and since it was summer she hadn't had the covers over her. He kinda wondered how this got into the pile. He had taken this way before the guys had decided to do this diary thing. Oh well. It was nice to stumble upon pictures that were this good. He made a note to find the one he had of Quistis as well. That one knocked his hat off...or whatever the sane was. Going back to the subject of Rinoa, he looked at the picture and sighed.  
  
"If only Rinoa wasn't going out with Squall and wasn't so damn wacky." With that he continued on looking through the pictures. Then suddenly he had an idea. His head popped up and grinned as he slowly let his thoughts piece together a glorious plan. Then he fell asleep.  
  
What was Squall going to do? What was Zell going to do? What is Irvine planning to do? 


	3. Origins of insanity!

Ahh, this chapter just explains how the girls went...well nuts. Its okay for what its worth. Chapter four is where all the fun is!  
  
  
  
Chapter 3:  
  
Origins...of insanity!  
  
Everything has an origin, even insanity. Your not well one day then completely nuts the next. So in this next chapter I, the narrator, shall explained to you, with detail, on how the girls developed such strange conditions. We shall start with Quistis...who we all know is now extremely additiced to coffee.  
  
Quistis was a normal woman. A little bit of a norm, but that was because she was teacher. You become a little dull when you acquire such a job. But remember Quistis was fired, her license revoked, all because she slept with Seifer and people thought that was the only reason she passed him. And it was one hundred percent true too. That whole 'I don't have leadership abilities' was a loud of crap.  
  
So moving on to the whole point...Quistis kept a diary. She had this diary since she entered the garden. (Well actually she had to get a new one because the previous one filled up quickly and a new one after that...) So she had three diaries, but that's not the point. To keep herself from confining all her problems to everyone else, she wrote in the diary everyday writing everything that got on her nerves or made her happy and such.  
  
Well if you read chapter one you would know that Quistis' diary was stolen. Which brings us up to her condition...  
  
On that faithful day her diary was stolen, Quistis was having one crappy ass day. First Rinoa convinced her to help her learn some sorceress stuff and that had turned bad. She went from blonde hair to black to green to blue to back. After that Rinoa had made her temporarily blind. When that finally blew over she left the raven haired girl to deal with the magic herself.  
  
So adding on to that, Zell and Selphie were fighting over a thing of pudding and it ended up on her new Ralph Lauren shirt. And when things can't get worst they do. The headmaster decided to give her a mission. Not bad. With Zell and Seifer has her supporting SeeD.  
  
So when she returned to her room, she was prepared to spill all of her problems on to a piece of paper, but couldn't. Her diary was missing. She had trashed her room and everything, but couldn't find it.  
  
Now you ask what does a missing diary have to do with anything? Well it has to do with everything. Quistis wrote in that diary every night and went to sleep soundlessly because she had gotten so much off her chest. Without her diary Quistis went to bed that night frustrated and with a lot on her mind.  
  
This process continued and slowly Quistis started sleepwalking. Some say she was doing it to discover who her long lost love was and other's say because she had a sleeping problem. Well the minority was right. The minority being the one's saying she had a sleeping problem.  
  
When Quistis discovered her sleeping problem and noticed how it was getting worst she did something to solve her problem. She drank coffee day in and day out. Morning, noon, and night.  
  
So now you know Quistis' problem and how it came to be. Now let's move on to Rinoa.  
  
  
  
Rinoa's situation was a bit simpler than Quistis. First off, Rinoa only kept a diary because as a child no one ever wanted to listen to her and she'd be dammed to hell before she talked to that man that said he was her father. So it was sort of a companion.  
  
So when Rinoa's 'companion' and listening buddy suddenly vanished and she couldn't find things began to happen. She first went to Squall and talked to him while he was doing something on his laptop. Even though he hadn't listen to a damn thing she said it had helped, but not as much as her diary.  
  
So a couple days later, Rinoa was sitting at her desk doing homework when she heard something. It was a voice. So she turned to this voice and who would have guess she would see herself in the corner of her room. Not knowing how she got over there and she was still there she asked herself what she was doing there. Her self gladly explained that Rinoa's need to tell someone her problems caused her to active her sorceress powers and create an essence of herself.  
  
So her and her 'essence' started talking and Rinoa discovered that her essence was a bitch and was plain rude. She also came to discover that since her bitchy essence was apart of her she could take over her body anytime she damned please, but had failed to do so for awhile because Rinoa had a strong will and was, well, all powerful.  
  
But since Rinoa is now nuts we should be well aware that her essence got control for awhile and that lead up to the day in the Quad. Her evil essence was in control and the whole park thing was the good, real Rinoa distracting her evil essence long enough to reclaim her body.  
  
Now Selphie was a lost cause. Her problems began way before her diary turned up missing. In fact, Selphie didn't even know her diary was missing. Her problem was that she was so insecure and had so much self pity that she thought that no one was attracted to her. For some GOD awful reason, Selphie was under the impression that Squall was madly in love with her and when he was off with Rinoa to get her cured in Esthar, it came to her attention that he didn't like her.  
  
Then she thought Zell liked her, but he had that little library girl and that was the end of that one. So here she was standing around trying to get people to sign up for the festival and get a date and neither was happening. It made Selphie depressed beyond levels of healing.  
  
That whole incident in the Quad was a bit of a shock towards Selphie. She didn't really expect Rinoa to agree to kill her and then go through with it. It was her ticket out, but it backfired because Rinoa decided to go off on a tree.  
  
So there you have it. The truth behind the insanity. And it was all caused because of the diaries. Wow, who would have thought...? 


	4. So what happen to the guys?

Kmoney: Hey, look, I have a muse! C'mon must come on out.  
  
*nothing happens*  
  
Kmoney: Ugh...hey muse! Come on!  
  
*still nothing*  
  
Kmoney: *looking at box* Plant muse seed in bathtub and run cold water on it for ten minutes. Muse should appear and do anything you wish...No refunds...WHAT!? AHHHHHHH! There goes eighty bucks. *Cries* Go away...read the chapter...leave me to my sorrows!  
  
  
  
Chapter 4:  
  
Say...what happen to the guys?  
  
Where we last left off with the guys...Zell flung Rinoa off the bed, Squall was caught in someone's room and Irvine had thought up an evil plan to do something evil. Now that the girl's conditions have been explained, we may continue with the story and allow it to move in a forward kinda of way, instead of flashbacks and explanations. So well, let's see what predicament the guys are in.  
  
Squall gulped and turned around. He was met face to face with Xu. Great, he had to walk into Xu's room and get caught. This was just great.  
  
"Hey, Squall, did you hear me?" Xu called, waving a hand in front of Squall.  
  
Squall shook his head, shaking the thoughts of defeat away. "Ugh...Xu, fancy running into you."  
  
Xu gave Squall one of the most confused expression a person could give. More so than Rinoa and Selphie put together. She slowly glanced from left to right with her eyes then looked back at him. "Ugh...this is my room. Why are you here?"  
  
Squall sighed. He hadn't gotten that far with his plan. Now he'd have to think quickly before Xu started thinking things he didn't want her to start thinking.  
  
Zell was in a state of shock at this moment. Here, in this very room, where he thought he had flung Rinoa Heartilly out of her bed because she was getting ready to 'get off', stood someone he hadn't been expecting. His girlfriend. Yeah, the library girl with the pigtails, or if you wanted to call her by her name, Keri. What was his girlfriend doing dreaming about Squall and not him?  
  
Keri for her part face was prementally stuck in a 'OH MY GOD, how long has he been here, and I'm screwed' look. She gulped and smiled. "Hi...Zell.."  
  
Zell smiled back. God she looked hot with her down and in those pink pajamas with the little cute fluffy animals on them. It was a site to see. He then shook his head vigorously, shaking the thoughts away. This was the girl that was dreaming about Squall Leonhart instead of him. He was wondering if that's who she always thought up when they made out. (Because Zell hadn't hit a homerun just yet).  
  
"Zell..." Keri called, in her sweet, quiet voice, "What are you doing here?"  
  
That thought struck Zell like a lighting bolt and he grinned. "I'm just passing by..." He lied.  
  
There was a uncomfortable silence for a few minutes. Although it felt like an eternity. Finally someone said something.  
  
"You heard, didn't you?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"How much?"  
  
"Too much."  
  
"How much is too much?"  
  
"Let's just leave it at that and I'll let you decide, okay?"  
  
"'Kay."  
  
Another eerie silence arose for a few minutes before the conversation continued.  
  
"Why Squall?"  
  
"I don't know. He just kinda popped into my head and we started-"  
  
"Please no detail."  
  
"Oh, sorry."  
  
"Do you think about him when were, umm, ya know?"  
  
Keri gasped and jumped off the bed and ran to Zell. "Oh, I would never! You're the only thing on my mind when we make out and other such times. Squall's just a damn dream."  
  
Zell felt that one ton weight leering over his head disappear and the person holding it not quite happy they had to leave.  
  
There was another uncomfortable silence.  
  
"Hey, you're pretty strong?"  
  
Keri smiled and hugged Zell, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Am I now?"  
  
"Oh, yeah, you had me one hell of a headlock. Sorry I threw you."  
  
She laid her head on his chest and got comfortable.  
  
"No problem. Do you forgive me?"  
  
"Yeah...I mean lots of girls dream about Squall. I guess its that 'mysterious' aura that has them going."  
  
"I try to stop. I distract myself by thinking of you and looking at pictures of you and well doing other stuff, but it doesn't seem to work at all."  
  
Zell shrugged. "Hey, all's forgiven. Let's just leave this behind and find something to do with our time."  
  
Keri blushed at the comment and they stay like that for awhile, in complete silence, enjoying each others company.  
  
"Hey, Zell, you still haven't told me what you're doing here?"  
  
Zell frowned, though Keri couldn't see it. She just had to ruin the moment with that question.  
  
"WHAT!?" Xu cried, then lowered her voice. "You're what?"  
  
Squall groaned and placed his hand on his forehead. He really did hate repeating himself. "Yeah, that's right Xu, I'm in love with you!" he replied dully.  
  
Xu simply stared at him in disbelief. "You are? But what about Rinoa?"  
  
Squall flinched. 'Dammit don't bring her up. I have no lie to back that up. I'll just pretend I didn't hear that. Yeah that'll work.'  
  
"Squall...?"  
  
"WHAT!?" he snapped.  
  
Xu jumped back. "Hey...hey...don't be all mean and stuff. I was just wondering if I could tell you something."  
  
Squall calmed down and nodded. Xu smiled and started.  
  
"I've been in love with you for four years!" she exclaimed.  
  
Squall blinked, frowned and looked at the poster of Linkin Park on the wall. He hadn't been expecting that. He was more hoping for a put down. A 'oh, sorry, Squall, I'm not into you.' kind of thing. Great now what was he going to do.  
  
While Squall was observing the poster, Xu jumped on him and they fell in her bed under her weight. "Yes!" she hissed, "I can finally do to you what I've been dreaming about for four years..."  
  
'Oh my GOD!' Squall cried in his head. For he was never the type to scream things outloud. 'She's going to rape me!' Squall's eyes widen and then he just simply decided to think of a plan and something to keep his mind off what was probably about to happen to him if he didn't do something quick.  
  
'In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight...' he sang in his mind.  
  
"Essence?"  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
"I can't sleep."  
  
"So what AM I suppose to do about it?"  
  
"Umm...well...I don't know...help me get to sleep? You're here to help me and since I can't get rid of you and make another one, then you should at least do your job."  
  
Rinoa's evil essence grunted and stood firm in the corner of her dorm. She wasn't wearing what Rinoa was dressed in. Instead she was wearing all black. Black pants, black boots, black tank-top. The works. After looking at Rinoa for a second she folded her arms and looked away from Rinoa with a huff.  
  
Rinoa looked down at her blankets and started fiddling with them. "Are you sure you came from inside me?"  
  
Essence looked back at Rinoa with a skeptical looked. "Ya know, I've been wondering that myself. How could I come from such a wimp?"  
  
"I'm not wimp..." Rinoa whimpered.  
  
"Yes you are!"  
  
Rinoa gripped her blankets, still staring at them. "Why are you so mean?" she cried.  
  
"Because I'm you're evil essence. It's my duty to be mean!" Essence explained.  
  
Rinoa continued to grip the blankets. "Why couldn't someone nice come out?" she was on the verge of crying. "I just need someone to listen to me!"  
  
Essence shook her head as she stared at Rinoa. "This is why you have a boyfriend and a fine one at that! He'll listen, well maybe. I mean, he didn't last time."  
  
"Well, gee, you're suppose to listen and all you do is insult me!" Rinoa screamed.  
  
Essence held her finger to her lips and made the 'sshh' noise. "Not so loud, people might hear you. Then you'd really have a tough time telling them that you're not yelling at anyone."  
  
Rinoa grumbled something and looked back at her blankets.  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"I SAID," Rinoa began brining her voice back up, "that you are very lucky my dog can't see you."  
  
"What's he going to do? Bite me?"  
  
"You damn well know what Angelo is capable of doing."  
  
Essence nodded in full understanding. "Oh, yeah, like, Angelo attack!"  
  
Angelo's ears perked and he jolted his head up looking around for the danger. He only saw his master lying in the bed staring at him with a strange look. Assuming that there was no danger, except for the fact that she looked slightly lost, he lowered his head again and went back to sleep.  
  
"Oh, wow, that was weird." Rinoa managed out.  
  
"Yeah, I might actually use him for something. Like killing Seifer, I know he's the one with your diary." Essence thought up.  
  
"I haven't seen Seifer in who knows when, I don't think he'd decide to pop up and steal my diary." Rinoa replied.  
  
"If you say so. What about that sexy man of yours?"  
  
"Squall? No." Rinoa grinned and shook her head. Squall was way too...anti- social to do something like steal her diary.  
  
"Hey, look, we're talking." Essence noted.  
  
Rinoa noticed that too. "We are, aren't we?"  
  
"And not yelling at each other either."  
  
"That's a bonus."  
  
"This is pretty cool..."  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"Wanna do something?"  
  
Rinoa blinked and shrugged. "Depends."  
  
Essence grinned. "Let's say we go and stalk that man of yours."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because he's sexy!"  
  
Rinoa sat there for a whole minute and then jumped out of bed. "Okay, why not?"  
  
"Okay, cool, I'll take over then." Essence ran towards Rinoa, but the girl held her hand out in front of her. "What? What's wrong?"  
  
"I'm not THAT stupid..."  
  
Essence glared and walk through the door. "Damn, just when I thought she was stupid enough to fall for that."  
  
Rinoa opened the door and closed it quietly. The two began to walk down the hall.  
  
"Hey, Essence, what are we going to tell him when we get there?" Rinoa questioned.  
  
"Ugh...nothing. I'm sure he wouldn't mind seeing his girlfriend in the middle of the night. You shouldn't need an excuse."  
  
"Oh, okay, I guess..."  
  
Essence looked away, grinning. 'You won't be in control by the time we get there...' she added quietly. 


	5. Elevator! C'mon!

Kmoney: Can I say something before we start? I can, wow thanks! This chapter is completely and utterly weird. Minus the ending which I find to actually be pretty funny. I mean the very end.  
  
Advice: And todays' advice is: If life was like a box of chocolate then I would actually like it!  
  
Kmoney: Right.....*pulls out a baseball bat* Let me give you some advice, advice...  
  
Advice: Why, Kmoney, I would love it!  
  
Kmoney: GOOD! *starts beating advice* Take this! Telling me life isn't a box of chocolate!  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 5:  
  
Elevator...C'mon!  
  
Squall stared at the ceiling of Xu's room trying very hard to think of a way out of this whole situation. He couldn't tell her the truth. What would that lead to? More trouble! He couldn't tell her he was playing a joke on her. That would be just cruel and out of character for him. But then so is showing up at a girl's room and telling them your in love with them.  
  
Xu giggled and reached for Squall's jacket. He knocked her hand away and she gasped.  
  
"Why'd you do that?"  
  
"Don't touch my jacket."  
  
"Well, why not?"  
  
"Because...I said so."  
  
Xu smiled a very seductive smile and reached for his jacket again. "Ahh...c'mon Squall, I won't mess it up..."  
  
Squall frowned. "No."  
  
"Ya know for someone that's suppose to be in love with me you sure don't act like it." Xu replied, huffing and turning away.  
  
Squall sat up and dusted his jacket off. "I'm tired." He lied. "And really busy." he added. He stood up and walked to the door.  
  
"Hey, you didn't answer my question about Rinoa?"  
  
Squall opened the door and actually smirked slightly. Though she couldn't see it. "Who's Rinoa?" he walked out and closed the door behind him. He handled that situation quite nicely. He not only avoided coming up with a sorry lie about Rinoa, but he actually got out of the room before she did something to him.  
  
But then he heard the door open and footsteps charging down the hall. He frowned and turned around. There was Xu running after him with a baseball bat.  
  
"You cheatin' son of a bitch! You were planning on seeing me and Rinoa! I'll get you for that!"  
  
Squall groaned...his situation went from bad to worse. He'd be lucky if other people didn't hear that and come out of their rooms.  
  
  
  
"What's up with all the commotion?" Rinoa wondered. She turned slightly away from Squall's door, looking over her shoulder straining to listen to what it was about.  
  
Essence rolled her eyes. "Knock on the door already. Stop worrying about other people."  
  
"Fine...fine." Rinoa grumbled and knocked lightly.  
  
There was no answer.  
  
"He might be sleep."  
  
"Why would he be sleep?"  
  
"Because its three in the morning, you idiot."  
  
"Maybe you just knocked too lightly. Knock harder. Oh, and I'm not an idiot."  
  
"Whatever..." Rinoa turned away and knocked on the door much harder. Still no answer. "He's a heavy sleeper, ya know."  
  
"I'll just poke my head in here and see that for myself." Essence stepped through the door and came right back out in a matter of seconds.  
  
"He's sleep, right?"  
  
"Oh, he might be sleep, but not in his bed." Essence replied and grinned when she saw Rinoa's blank expression. "We have to find your future husband. He's prowling around."  
  
Rinoa only continued to stare. "He's probably in the training center. I'll see him in the morning."  
  
"NO!" Essence snapped and ran at Rinoa.  
  
Rinoa not expecting such an action could only stare and then her eyes closed. When she reopened them, she was standing in front of her body.  
  
"What the...?" Rinoa cried. "NO! You did it again!"  
  
Essence in Rinoa's body grinned. "HA ha ha! I guess there's not room for the both of us in here."  
  
"There is if you weren't in spiritual form! Now get out of my body!" Rinoa demanded.  
  
"No way. You'll play tag along if you know what's good for your body while I find that man of yours. Then seduce him and do things you're too chicken to do to him." Essence laughed and then ran.  
  
"He-hey!" Rinoa shouted running after her body. "I want my body back!"  
  
  
  
Quistis rose out of her bed...wait Quistis was never in her bed. So I guess we could skip the morning rise and shine thing. First off the sun wasn't up and Quistis wasn't rising and shining from anything.  
  
She happily and hyperly took a shower while singing.  
  
"Yo I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,  
  
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,  
  
I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want....!"  
  
She stepped out of the shower a short time later and got dress.  
  
"Today, today-"  
  
KNOCK KNOCK!  
  
"Comin'!" Quistis chirped and opened the door. There stood Seifer wearing his usual trench coat.  
  
"Are you ready!?" He demanded.  
  
"Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes." Quistis bounced up and down, nodding her head like a child.  
  
Seifer quirked his eyebrow. He hadn't been around the garden for a few days and this was all new to him. "Are you alright?"  
  
"Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes!"  
  
Seifer gave her a unsure look. "Are you sure?"  
  
"Oh, yes, yes-"  
  
Seifer held his hand to her lips. "Calm down....its bad enough messenger girl and chicken-wuss are hyper. We don't need you like that too."  
  
Quistis moved his hand and ran out of her room dragging him along. "We need to go! We have a mission! It starts now! Where's Zell?"  
  
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Seifer demanded.  
  
Quistis turned around. What she said was random and WAY off the subject. "Hey, Seify, have you seen my diary? I know you stole it!"  
  
Seifer was taken back. One was because she called him Seify and the other was she just blamed him for stealing her diary.  
  
"First off, instructor, I haven't been here long enough to steal anything from you. Second: Don't call me Seify. Its weird and just plain wrong. Third: What the hell are you smoking and can I have some?" When he was done he glared at the shorter blonde.  
  
She in turned smiled at him and pulled him along. "We need coffee, then we may go."  
  
"What about the chicken-wuss?"  
  
Quistis glared at Seifer.  
  
"I said COFFEE! I don't call about a chicken named WUSS! We will get coffee!"  
  
Seifer could only nod. This conversation was going no where. And since the conversation was going no where, he was going to end it. Quistis apparently didn't give a damn about the conversation at all because she was already down the hall and almost out of dorms.  
  
Seifer was getting ready to follow when certain things caught his eye. One was Rinoa walking down the hall wearing blue PJs with little angels on them. She seemed be talking to herself while doing so.  
  
"Hello, there, Ms. Heartilly!" Seifer called.  
  
Rinoa turned...or well Essence turned Rinoa's head. Rinoa herself just looked in that direction even though she couldn't be seen.  
  
"Oh, hey, its Seifer." Essence squeaked.  
  
"He can hear you...don't sound so happy." Rinoa muttered.  
  
Essence glared at Rinoa before looking back at Seifer and waving. "Seifer! Get yo sexy ass over here!"  
  
Seifer's eyes widen and instead of going closer he walked back.  
  
"What's his problem?" Essence wondered.  
  
"You called him sexy." Rinoa explained. "I would never do that."  
  
"That's because your stupid."  
  
"Shut-up!" Rinoa screamed. "I wish I could kill you! I hate you!"  
  
Essence rolled her eyes and ignored Rinoa. She instead ran to catch Seifer, who panicked and ran.  
  
And as if this was one big coincidence, Squall was dashing down the same hall Rinoa was standing in...wait on second thought its not because Rinoa's standing in the hall where Squall's dorm is located. So anyways, he was dashing down the hall and spotted her waving at someone and then he found out who.  
  
"Seifer! Get yo sexy ass over here!" Rinoa called.  
  
Squall skid to a stop and blinked. "Did she just say...?"  
  
Before he could process that anymore, Xu tackled him from behind and they went skidding across the floor until they ended up behind Rinoa, who ran after Seifer.  
  
Squall distractedly pushed Xu off of him as he watched Rinoa run off. "Rinoa! Hey!" he stood up and chased after her. "Rinoa!"  
  
"Squall!" Xu shouted, very much pissed off, looking for her baseball bat that she had lost when the went skidding. "Get back here Squall! We need to talk!"  
  
Seifer ignored Rinoa, Rinoa ignored Squall, Squall ignored Xu, and Xu found her baseball bat.  
  
Imagine being Nida Campbell. When he first got to the garden he wasn't very popular, but as time went on his social status rose. And when he became one of the four SeeDs to pass the exam it got even higher. Then when he learned how to fly the garden, girls were all over him. But still Nida wasn't as popular as Squall Leonhart. Squall got to be the commander. Squall got the girl. Squall had the super cool weapon. Squall...Squall was running down the hall chasing his girlfriend while she was chasing Seifer Almasy. Who he assumed must have been following Instructor Trepe, who he had seen running and screaming 'coffee' at the top of her lungs.  
  
Adding on to this nonsense, Xu was running after Squall with a baseball bat.  
  
Nida blinked and shook his head. "I won't ask...I just won't ask." He continued to his dorm when he saw something even more. Irvine was sneaking down the hall wearing only boxers with his trench coat thrown over them and his hat on his head.  
  
Not being rude, because Nida always practice courtesy, he saluted the cowboy, who stopped and saluted him.  
  
"Hey, how you doin'?" Irvine asked.  
  
"Ugh...fine." Nida replied. "If don't mind me asking, but where are the rest of your cloths?"  
  
"Back in my dorm. I had little time to get dress. I must start my evil plan to get rid of Squall."  
  
Nida's eyes widen and before he knew he sputtered out the words "Can I help?" To which Irvine replied 'yea' and before he could comprehend what the hell was going on, the two were shaking hands.  
  
"My first order as the commander of this mission is for you to get Selphie out of her room and take her to the third floor."  
  
Nida saluted and was about to run off, but stopped himself. "Hey, what for?"  
  
"I don't know. I just want her. Now go!" Irvine shooed him off and Nida left.  
  
Nida stopped in front of Selphie's room and knocked. There was a grunt of annoyance and then silence. He knocked again and he got a huff, then silence. He knocked once more and then he heard the following...  
  
"GEESH, HOLD ON! I'M TRYING TO KILL MYSELF, IF YOU DON'T MIND! STOP BEING SO DAMN SELFISH!"  
  
Nida kicked the door open just in time to stop Selphie from casting 'suffocate' on herself.  
  
"Hey, what's the big idea? Do you know how long I've been at it!? I just created that magic technique and now I'll have to remember everything I did. I hate you, Nick!"  
  
"Nida!"  
  
"Whatever!" Selphie sighed. "Anyways, what do you want?"  
  
"Irvine sent me to get you. He wants to meet you on the third floor."  
  
"Fine...let's go. Since I can't kill myself now!"  
  
Nida smiled and lead her down the hallway.  
  
Seifer caught Quistis and dragged her to elevator. He pressed the button and let's say just for random sake Zell and Keri were inside when it opened.  
  
"What the hell are you two doing here?" Seifer demanded.  
  
"I was going to see Headmaster about the mission." Zell explained.  
  
"I was joining him." Keri explained. "What's your story?"  
  
"Same here!" Seifer replied angrily and pulled Quistis inside. "What the hell is wrong with her?"  
  
Quistis was muttering coffee over and over.  
  
"She has a problem. That's all I know." Zell explained.  
  
For some reason the doors never closed and just when they were about to, Rinoa dove into them all action movie style and rolled to her feet. No one knows how she managed to get so much room to perform such a stunt but she did.  
  
Just as the doors began to close again, Squall burst through them and ran to the back of the elevator. Xu came in a second later looking for Squall, but couldn't see pass Seifer. And just when we thought it couldn't get weirder, Nida was rushing down the halls with Selphie and a half-naked Irvine. They jumped inside as well and Seifer groaned.  
  
He cleared his throat and asked like a bellboy. "Which floor would you all like to get off on?"  
  
"THREE!" everyone exclaimed. Seifer frowned and press the button. He had a bad feeling about this. Hell, he had a bad feeling every since he ran into a hyper Quistis. It only got worst when he spotted Rinoa in the hallway. Now here he was standing in a small elevator that somehow managed to fit nine people.  
  
This thought caused his eyes to wonder and he spotted a sign that made him wish he was dead, or in this case he would be dead very soon.  
  
It read the following...  
  
'This elevator only holds a maximum of four people...or four hundred pounds. Yes Seifer, you are going to die...MUWAHAHAHAHAHA!'  
  
Seifer was becoming afraid...very afraid... 


	6. Its the Devil's Elevator!

Kmoney: *walks in wearing a black skirt business suit* I am a lawyer! Feel my wrath!  
  
People: We feel it, we feel it!  
  
Kmoney: Good! *pulls off suit revealing a little carebear suit* I am a carebear...feel my wrath!  
  
People: We feel it, we feel it!  
  
Kmoney: *pulls off carebear suit, revealing normal clothes* I am a normal, avearage teenager, trying to find my place in the world!  
  
People: RUN, she's going to kill us! *all run*  
  
Kmoney: You weren't suppose to feel any wrath there...*sweatdrops* Eh...shall we go on...  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 6:  
  
Its the Devil's Elevator!  
  
Note: When these * pop up that means its the elevator. These are its thoughts  
  
Nida frowned and he looked around. "Guys...can ten people fit in this elevator?"  
  
"YES!" Selphie snapped. She turned to Rinoa and smiled sweetly. "Rinoa, kill me!"  
  
Essence (In Rinoa's body) looked at Selphie. "Sure!"  
  
Rinoa frowned. Don't do it! Geesh! You're gonna get me in some shit!"  
  
"Not my problem!" Essence chirped and prepared to kill Selphie. She lifted her hand in the air.  
  
"My nose!" Squall cried and held his nose, where Rinoa nailed him. "No magic in the elevator!"  
  
"Oh, you're so-" Rinoa flinched, shook for a second then shook her head. "Finally, thank you Squall."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"Distracting her."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Essence."  
  
"Who's that?" Zell wondered.  
  
Before Rinoa could reply the elevator started laughing and screeched to a stop.  
  
"Did anyone, but me just hear the elevator laugh?" Keri asked.  
  
Irvine raised his hand, along with everyone else. Seifer was banging his head on the wall.  
  
"I knew something would go wrong!" he looked around for someone to blame this on and pointed at Rinoa. "Kill the sorceress!"  
  
"What?" Rinoa asked confused.  
  
Nida and Zell were advancing on Rinoa.  
  
"Hey! Stop that!" Squall ordered. "Don't touch her!"  
  
Xu suddenly laughed and jumped at Squall. "I'll kill you for playing with my emotion."  
  
"What...the hell is going on?" Quistis asked. She looked around before she spotted the normal looking Seifer banging his head on the wall again. "Hey, Seifer what's going on? Man do I have a headache. I feel like I've been gone for a few days."  
  
Seifer looked at her. "We're stuck in an elevator and something's going on between Xu and Squall. Are you still hyper?"  
  
"I was hyper? Now how did I do that?"  
  
"You've been drinking coffee for a week." Selphie explained quietly. "You took my job as the stupid hyper person, but now that your back. I guess I CAN BE HYPER AGAIN!"  
  
"So no more suicidal attempts?" Nida asked.  
  
"Oh, yeah, I'm still killing myself..." Selphie replied. "But I'll smile when I'm dead!"  
  
'Get her off!' Squall begged in his head.  
  
"Slap her, Rinoa." Essence pressured.  
  
"No."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I don't want to!" Rinoa snapped.  
  
*Hey, everyone, listen up now!* called a voice.  
  
"I'm hearing things again..." Keri muttered.  
  
Zell looked at her. "No your not. Unless of course we're both hearing things."  
  
*WILL EVERYONE LISTEN!*  
  
Silence quickly came and the voice sighed.  
  
*Thank you, now I would all like to welcome you on the elevator*  
  
"Mr. Elevator are you going to kill us?" Irvine asked.  
  
*No naked boy, I am not...no wait..I might.*  
  
Irvine gulped, he never expected to be killed in a elevator.  
  
"Well, if I'm gonna die, I want you to get laid!" Essence demanded. Rinoa stared at her and then glared.  
  
"You have a dirty mind!"  
  
"Hey! I'm right dumb ass!"  
  
"Slut!"  
  
"Virgin!"  
  
Rinoa gasped and pointed at Essence. "I know you are, but what am I?"  
  
"A virgin!"  
  
"I know you, but what am I?"  
  
"I'M not a virgin!"  
  
"I know you are bu--wait, huh? How can you not be a virgin? I'm a virgin!"  
  
Everyone was now staring at her.  
  
"Hey, Squall look you'll be the first to take her breath away!" Irvine chuckled.  
  
Xu frowned and glared at Rinoa. "Why did you just tell us all that?"  
  
Rinoa looked at Xu with a annoyed expression. "I'm not talking to you!"  
  
Squall frowned his famous frown. "Is this really the time to be fighting? We're stuck in a evil talking elevator."  
  
*Hey, who told you I was evil?*  
  
"Lucky guess..." Squall replied.  
  
"Ya know what!?" Zell exclaimed. "I bet this is happening because of our plan. We're going to hell because we're ambitions, dirty-minded, we take advantage of women, and we make weird noises!"  
  
"We're going to hell for being MEN!" Squall, Nida, Seifer, and Irvine all exclaimed.  
  
Nida huffed. "I don't see how you can punish one sex and not the other! Its unfair."  
  
"What are we!?" cried Keri, "chop liver? I thought I was a woman and I'm also in this elevator..."  
  
"And what plan are you talking about?" Selphie wondered.  
  
"MEN STUFF!" Zell, Squall, and Irvine replied.  
  
"Great...I'm being sent to hell because of these three..." Seifer grumbled.  
  
"Hey, let's get back to the subject at hand here people!" Xu jumped in. "Rinoa hasn't explained to us why she just informed us of her virginity."  
  
"Maybe she likes to spread her business on the street.." Quistis said simply.  
  
Xu turned to Quistis then looked back at Rinoa, who had air in the headlock.  
  
Rinoa for her part wasn't paying any attention to them. She was now very angry at Essence for making her yell out those things.  
  
"Let go of me!" Essence demanded. She then punched Rinoa, who stumbled back into the glass and started a series of punches before Rinoa's eyes flash white and she stepped back.  
  
"UH-OH!" Essence exclaimed. "I think its time for me to go!" with that she poofed out of site. Rinoa's eyes were still flashing white.  
  
Seifer's eyes widen. "Hey, why are you staring at me like that!?"  
  
"You will all die!" Rinoa said very low.  
  
"Even me?" Squall asked timidly.  
  
Rinoa looked at him. "Yes."  
  
"That sucks..." He looked at Xu. "Well, Xu, looks like I do love you. Shall we have sex now?"  
  
Xu smiled and hugged Squall.  
  
Nida was in the corner getting very frustrated. "Dammit! I don't want to die! Squall do something about your crazy girl!"  
  
"Yeah, Squall!" Quistis added. "Its not right for people to be killed by someone as friendly as Rinoa."  
  
"I liked you better when you only thought about coffee..."  
  
"You wish..." Quistis snapped back.  
  
Selphie jumped at Squall and put him in the headlock. "Look buddy, you will do something about your crazy girlfriend or I'll kill you in a slow and painful way..."  
  
Squall pushed Selphie off of him and nodded. "Okay, okay." 'I hate them all!'  
  
He turned to Rinoa, who was holding her hand in the air. "U-L-T"  
  
"AHHHHH!" Everyone started screaming.  
  
"Somebody do something!" Nida cried.  
  
"She's gonna cast Ultima on us!" Selphie whined. "I don't want to be killed...wait yes I do. Go ahead Rinoa!"  
  
Squall started thinking of a plan. His thoughts were all racing together making everything all musy like mash potatoes. Suddenly something dawn on him and he pulled out his gunblade. "Rinoa...I..lo..err...like you alot, but you gonin' down!"  
  
Everyone looked at Squall wondering what he was planning to do to Rinoa with his gunblade.  
  
"Hey, is he going to kill her?" Zell asked.  
  
"Its better her, then us." Seifer replied. "Survivor of the fittest; kill or be killed..."  
  
"If someone gives you lemons make lemonade..." Keri added.  
  
"What?" Quistis wondered. "That has nothing to do with what were talking about."  
  
"Oh, I know, but someone gave me lemons, so..." She lifted a picture of lemonade. "Who wants lemonade!?"  
  
"Oh, I do!" Zell raised his hand and held out his cup that was in his back pocket.  
  
"And...!" Irvine announced. "If someone gives you potatoes make vodka!"  
  
"And let me guess, someone gave you potatoes..." Xu joked.  
  
"Well...no, but I do have some vodka! I'm gonna die drunk." Irvine pulled out a canister and started gulping down.  
  
Squall was just staring at them all, then he remembered what he was doing, but it was too late.  
  
"Ultima!" Rinoa summoned and cast.  
  
"This blows..." Seifer muttered and shielded his eyes from the bright light.  
  
That was the last thing anyone had heard before everything got bright and such.  
  
*Dammit! I was suppose to kill them!* whined the elevator. 


	7. Heaven Never Looked So Good

Kmoney: *runs in the room and trips over a log* Ahh! *jumps up* I'm okay! So anyways, I have an annoucement. I LOVE COOKIES!  
  
Advice: Did you hear that!? Kmoney loves cookies!  
  
Seifer: Cookie-wuss!  
  
Kmoney: That's why your dream was pathetic and the only way your ever going to fulfill is if you become Rinoa's knight and I don't think your gonna get that blue duster anytime this century!  
  
Seifer: SHUT-UP! *runs away*  
  
Advice: Everyone Seifer ran away!  
  
Kmoney: There are things I can do to you. Evil things...*smirks evilly*  
  
Advice: I'm outtie! *runs*  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 7:  
  
Heaven Never Looked So Good  
  
Seifer was upset.  
  
There was no other way to put it. His upsetness vibrated off of him like a pager vibrating and such. His scowls towards everyone told them to leave him alone. And the way he cursed out anything that came near him was the most obvious reason why the left him alone. But for some reason one person in particular never caught the hint...  
  
"OH! C'mon Seifer don't be such a downer!" Selphie screamed.  
  
Seifer glared and looked forward, then he looked at Selphie and glared harder. "I being a downer is the perfect way to be considering we're all WALKING to the light at the end of the tunnel!"  
  
"Why are we walking to this damn light anyway?" Rinoa questioned, cocking her head to the side.  
  
At the question all eyes landed on her. Everyone was this close to wringing Rinoa's little neck. Sure they loved her and she was their friend, but putting all that aside, she did kill them.  
  
And if it weren't for Squall and his damn over-protectiveness, they would have all had the satifacation of torturing the raven beauty and then feeding her remains to her own puppy.  
  
But then again that was just Seifer cruel thought. Who knew what was running through the rest of their heads.  
  
And speaking of which what is running through the rest of their heads.  
  
'Hotdogs, sex, hotdogs, sex...'  
  
'I wonder if I made my bed today...?'  
  
'How did I get put into all of this...?'  
  
'Guns, sex, guns..oh man Selphie looks so hot bouncing around Seifer. Her boobs go up, down, up, down...'  
  
'I still don't know why were walking towards this light...'  
  
'Hotdogs, sex, hotdogs, sex...'  
  
'Seifer is soooo hot...why am I thinking that? Bad thought! Bad thought! Think happy things...clouds, cookies, cake....'  
  
'Oooh, that Squall! He makes me soooo mad, leading me on like that...I would kill him if we weren't already dead....'  
  
'I wonder if it'll ever be possible for us to live on Jupiter? I wonder how long till we reach the end of this tunnel. It's pretty long. I'm bored. When I'm bored I need to do something. Perhaps...something fun..something real fun, but what?'  
  
'Why am I here!? This is a punishment! I hate the world!'  
  
'Hotdogs, sex, hotdogs, sex....'  
  
Although interesting thoughts in their own freaky way, no one was really voicing what they were thinking. And since these young people were so into their own thoughts silence was all that was going on.  
  
"This tunnel is pretty long..." Zell commented.  
  
"Yep..." Irvine agreed.  
  
"Definitely..." Squall followed up.  
  
"It sucks ya know?" Zell started. "We never did get to fulfill our dreams."  
  
"I know this blows!" Seifer exclaimed.  
  
Upon this comment escaping his lips, everyone looked at Seifer.  
  
"I thought you did fulfill your dream." Rinoa brought up.  
  
Seifer looked at her deadly. "No sweet Rinoa, I didn't get to fulfill my dream."  
  
Her expression turned to curiosity. "Okay, then, what is your dream?"  
  
Seifer grinned. "Why, to have sex with you?"  
  
Squall would have said something, but he was off in his head, where things like Seifer announcing that he his dream is to sleep with Rinoa just didn't process correctly.  
  
"Hey...Squall, aren't you angry?" Keri asked.  
  
"...Whatever." came the reply.  
  
"Your not upset at the least?" she continued.  
  
"...Whatever."  
  
Keri's eye twitched and then a smile played on her lips.  
  
"Hey, Squall, would you like for me stripe bare, give you a lap dance, and suck Irvine's dick all at the same time?"  
  
"OH WOULD YOU!?" Irvine begged. "I'm a little dry down here."  
  
"...Whatever." Squall replied.  
  
Keri looked at Rinoa. "How do you get through to him?"  
  
Rinoa let herself grin. Xu let herself frown. Quistis let herself pull out a camera. Selphie well...Selphie was too busy annoying Seifer to give a damn.  
  
Rinoa moved close to Squall and leaned next to his ear. "You simply...do THIS!" she stood on her tip toes, and leaned to whisper into Squall's ear. Suddenly Squall's expression turned to that of shock and he quickly turned to face the wall while mumbling incoherent things to himself. Rinoa just grinned and skipped further down the tunnel.  
  
Nida was confused. Irvine was confused. Zell wanted to know what she said.  
  
"Hey, Squall, what did she say?" Zell begged. He jumped in front of the suddenly nervous Squall, who shirked back.  
  
"I didn't do it!" Squall yelled and ran ahead.  
  
"She's got dirt on him." Nida pointed out. Very bored and dull might I add. He could have been a little happy about it. But being killed by the commander's girlfriend does make a man upset.  
  
Quistis herself had return to her on little world when all of sudden they all saw Rinoa run into the light and vanished. Squall soon followed and soon everyone had made the transaction between the tunnel and this new place.  
  
The place was like a palace. The walls were a goldish-white marble and the floor was beautiful silverish tiles. From where they were standing they could see two large golden arched gates. A long line of about millions of people started at the gate which continued passed them and onward. Tables were spread around the large room. Refreshment booths were lined on the walls and were all busy taking orders. Angels soared by on their wings talking to the recent decease or offering them a refreshment. Others were busy talking among themselves. Some were dressed in business suits, holding cellphones, and some were wearing more casual gear, but only a few were found wearing the stereotyped stuffed.  
  
Heaven was a business world and Rinoa liked every minute of it.  
  
Rinoa smiled and ran forward. She giggled and twirled around in circles. Seifer idly wondered if she was aware that she was the reason they were all here. He decided he should ask.  
  
"Rinoa, you do know you killed us all?" He said bluntly.  
  
Whatever happiness Rinoa possessed quickly vanished as she stared at Seifer. "What?"  
  
"You killed us!" Nida decided to answer. "You cast Ultima in the evil demented elevator from hell and kill us!"  
  
"Hey, don't blame Rinoa for all this!" Selphie fought back. "Its not her fault."  
  
Irvine looked at Selphie. "Look, Selphie, as much as I love Rinoa, it is her fault."  
  
"Oh, yeah." remembered Selphie. She looked at Rinoa and smiled sheepishly. "It is your fault."  
  
Rinoa clasp her necklace and looked at the ground. "I'm sorry."  
  
"Ahhh! Rinoa!" Everyone, but Squall, Seifer, and Nida exclaimed. Squall because he just didn't flow with releasing his feelings, Seifer because he just didn't give a damn, and Nida because he felt it was truly her fault and they shouldn't forgive her so easily. Which he had every right to feel like that too!  
  
"WHAT!? She says sorry and you forgive her!?" Nida blew. "What the hell is wrong with you people!? She killed us!"  
  
"So what's your point?" Zell inquired, crossing his left ankle over his right and folding his arms.  
  
Nida was almost speechless. I said almost speechless. "What do you mean what's my point!? She should be punished and struck down to hell!"  
  
Rinoa yelped and dove behind Squall. Squall was starting to frown.  
  
"It was just a mistake!" Selphie explained. She nodded and looked a Rinoa. "Right, Rinoa?"  
  
Rinoa peered from behind Squall and nodded lightly.  
  
Selphie nodded back. "See, a mistake."  
  
"But a mistake that cost us all our lives."  
  
"I honestly don't see why your so upset." Keri joined in. She was beginning to feel that the author forgot about her out. Again.  
  
Nida took this moment to stare at the rest of the people that made the journey through that tunnel with them. He spotted Seifer, who was had been mad since the day he met him and decided he should help.  
  
"Help me Seifer."  
  
"HA!" Seifer exclaimed. "I don't give a damn! They forgive and I don't care. Besides Squall is frowning in a way that only means trouble."  
  
Nida took this time to look at Squall and a few things registered in his mind. One was that Squall was the commander, the other one was that he had yelled and said Rinoa should be sent to hell. The last thought made Nida fear Squall. He had said that to Rinoa; Rinoa was Squall's girlfriend; Nida was screwed.  
  
So what's everyone thinking now...  
  
'Oh, God, I wonder what Quistis looks like nothing on...! I'm drooling must stop...oh God Quistis is hot!'  
  
'Hotdog, sex, hotdogs, sex...'  
  
'Oh, dear, I left my planner back at the garden. My life will be unplanned! What am I going to do? Dammit, did I make my bed or not today?'  
  
'I really want to kill someone right now! Where's someone to kill when you need someone useless around!?'  
  
'When I was little, I went to the park. At the park I played in the sand...God lord Squall and Seifer are hot! Man what to do what to do!'  
  
'This is all her fault...'  
  
'This is all his fault...'  
  
'Hotdogs, sex, hotdogs, sex...'  
  
'I should just walk away and wait in the line. The faster I get over there, the quicker judgment will be past on me.'  
  
'I wish I was sent to hell...or they were...one or the other. I hope I don't ever have to deal with these people again. They think they're so cool because they saved the world...I hate them all.'  
  
'I'm actually acting on my emotion! Wow! This is a new delightful feeling and I hate it! Wait...who are you? What are you doing reading my mind? Go away! Ah...whatever!'  
  
And returning to the people themselves and not their thoughts; Squall frowned, Nida frowned, and someone got their ass kicked. 


End file.
